Use Your Illusion

Life, Style


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“I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore, except I know it feels roomy and it’s drenched in sunlight and it’s weightless and I know it’s not cheap. Probably not even real.”

I read that passage on one of my favorite art/poetry sites last week, and it’s stuck with me ever since. It resonates with this feeling I constantly carry; this unexplained instinct that always feels… kind of unsettled.

Because I do feel like I’m endlessly searching for something else, when “something else” is hard — maybe even impossible — to define.

Whether it’s a sense of excitement, adventure, happiness, love, passion, comfort, depth in another person, deeper meaning. A fleeting emotion, a feeling, a purpose.

Perhaps it’s a side effect of daydreams, when overt curiosity collides with too much introspection. Searching for the meaning of life, some would say.

I would love to know exactly what I’m looking for, and if or when I’ll know that I’ve found it.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s like chasing a mirage.

There are times when it feels like it’s just out of reach. But maybe what I’m reaching for… just isn’t real.

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Dress: Cato, kinda similar here. Hat: Cato. Boots: Kohl’s. Velvet choker: for $6 here!

2017: A Metamorphosis

Life, Style

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Welcome to the end of another year.

As if we’ve wandered through time and space — blissfully, or maybe miserably — unaware of the past 364 days, it’s suddenly society’s time to reflect.

Our accomplishments. The difficulties we endured. Famous people we loved and lost. (Still mourning Tom Petty and Chris Cornell.) The unhealthy habits we developed… or never dropped.

Much like we drift through space, oblivious that we’re actually moving 67,000 miles per hour, it seems like society meanders through time on autopilot — incognizant of the passing days — and collectively, what they meant.

What happened? What did I do? Shit, time to assign some meaning to my life!

However, I’ve thought this many times throughout 2017: What a transformative year.

I moved to a new city, started a new job, and channeled enough courage to create this blog. But when reflecting, I can’t help but incorporate the past several years to get a better picture of personal growth.

In 2014, some traumatic experiences changed me forever, followed by a very dark period of depression in 2015. I was encouraged to seek help in 2016, and made strategic moves to get back on track. Finally, 2017 felt like hitting a stride towards a happier and more fulfilling existence.

That seems like something to celebrate. But full disclosure, I plan to quietly ring in the new year at home with Saki. (In case you didn’t know, she’s my little sidekick in the pictures!)

It’s been years since I partied into oblivion and greeted January 1st with a lack of conscious awareness. But I do spend more time than I’d like to admit outside of the present moment. And that brings me to the point I want to make about the year ahead.

I want 2018 to be more mindful. Intentional. Less escapism through apps and technology. More deliberate, and less apologetic.

At 12:01, nothing will be strikingly different, except maybe our attitudes.

Happy New Year!

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Dress: Asos. (Intergalactic and extra AF! But you could wear this one anywhere.) Boots: Asos. Ring: Flea market. Dog: Shelter. #adoptdontshop

A few things introverts want you to know

Life, Style

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Hey! Where my fellow introverts at? If you’re wondering whether or not that word applies to you, try this quick survey:

Have you ever been accused of being… Shy? Quiet? Stand-offish? Anti-social?

*raises hand*

Additionally, was your accuser someone who tends to never shut the hell up?

*omg yes*

Congratulations. This doesn’t necessarily mean you hate people, but it does probably mean you’re introverted — which is awesome! (If you didn’t relate, you should still continue reading to learn more about your “quiet” friend or co-worker.)

When looking up synonyms for the word “introvert,” you’ll find words like: Shy. Reticent. Withdrawn. You might also find some stereotypes: Egoist. Narcissist. Shrinking Violet. …WTF? As for “extrovert”: Sociable. Gregarious. Unreserved.

One explanation for this involves energy. It’s a core difference between the two groups’ preferences, according to Jung. (Without getting too academic, this is further described here.)

Extroverts, you guys GAIN energy from socializing with other people. For introverts, social interactions DRAIN energy, and we need (not want — need) alone time to recharge. This doesn’t make either group’s feelings right or wrong. It comes down to being wired differently.

To be clear, this introverts vs. extroverts conversation shouldn’t be divisive. Instead, it’s another way to better understand people. Because sometimes an introvert’s intentions are, after all, misunderstood.

So if a suspected introvert tells you they don’t feel like hanging out. Or if they decline an invitation (particularly if it’s last-minute, and especially if it involves a group of acquaintances/strangers). Don’t take it personally. We might just need some time to ourselves.

And just because we don’t go out of our way to strike up a conversation with you, it doesn’t always mean that we don’t want to talk to you, or that we hate you.

Disclaimer: but it might.

** This post generalizes behavior. It is based on items I’ve read, personal experiences, and many conversations with kindred spirits. “I’m an introvert” isn’t an excuse for being rude!

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Dress: Thrifted (Goodwill, $5). Currently wish-listing this one. Shoes: Clark’s, old, similar here.