Fake Valentine

Life, Style




img_4858

“Our culture has taken romantic relationships, a good thing, and made them into an ultimate thing.

Put relationships back in their place, and take a look at just how expansive your life is; it might be in flux, but it’s complete —¬†romantic partner or not.”

Wow. This really hit me when I read it.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or happily (or unhappily) married, here’s an important reminder: You are enough.

Yes. You. By yourself. Are enough.

I’m telling you this because society does this thing. It fosters this romanticized idea that another person automatically makes you appear more valuable to others; that a relationship immediately attaches more meaning to your life. Suddenly, it’s more “complete.”

This is a fake concept! This is unhealthy! Stop thinking this right now!

Yeah, I am kind of yelling because I believed in that falsity for a long time. I would feel defective or inferior when I was single, or hopped from one relationship to the next, too fearful to be alone.

This lack of self-worth was driven by my own negative thought patterns, but common social interactions casually reinforce unhealthy or irrelevant expectations literally all the time.

Sometimes (oftentimes?) it happens during an innocent conversation with a relative, acquaintance, or stranger:

“Are you dating anyone?”

If the answer is no: “Really? I don’t understand why someone like you would be single, you’re so pretty/successful/(insert adjective here)!”

If the answer is yes: “How long have you been together? Is he/she “the one”? When are you going to get married?”

…Like it’s some rush to complete this perceived, proper life to-do list, and you’ve failed if you haven’t checked all the boxes.

No.

People have been conditioned to think these things matter so much, when they actually don’t. And as for the perceived need to justify the answers… it’s really not anyone else’s business.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be a day to justify your current life, either. Whether single or taken, you’re enough on your own.

Dress: Vintage, estate sale (but this tan midi is an option for spring). Jacket: Express. Boots: Steve Madden (similar and 40% off here).

Tell Me Lies / You Can’t Disguise

Life, Style

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

Sound familiar? This statement usually comes on the back end of someone caught in a lie.

Before I get any further, I realize this is kind of dark territory to delve into. But during the past week, my thoughts — and even some dreams — were invaded by themes of betrayal or breaches of trust, both past and present. So, here we are.

When you think of someone telling a lie, most of us think of the person who blurts out something that simply isn’t factual. It can be about something totally serious or completely irrelevant. This is called a “lie of commission.”

But there’s another way to achieve deception, and it can be even more manipulative and hurtful. It’s called a “lie of omission.” It leaves out (omits) pertinent facts to distort someone else’s perception and understanding of the truth. It is intentional and selfish.

In case your conscience didn’t tell you already, staying silent or purposely excluding damning details isn’t honest. It’s a very strategic form of deceit.

Simply put: This. Behavior. Kills. Trust.

When utilizing this kind of lie, you hurt the person you intended to protect (besides yourself), because you were too concerned with self-preservation to deliver the truth in an honest and tactful way.

What someone doesn’t know can’t hurt them, right? But what happens when they find out?

Let’s be real, of course we’ve all lied before. This is just a friendly reminder that lying to those you love or care about — is not cool. Lies slaughter friendships and relationships.

Sometimes forever.

When devastation lies on the other side of a half-truth… Was it worth it to tell?

Top: old, similar here. Skirt: old, thrifted Limited, Goodwill. Boots: Kohl’s, also seen here.

*Post title is an unapologetic reference to this Fleetwood Mac song.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin